Donald Trump is taking legal action against the BBC for defamation. Apparently the adjudicated sex offender and pussy-grabbing serial liar still has a reputation that can be damaged. Even if all the president of the United States had ever done was that weird hand dance to Village People’s YMCA and his ill-judged playground impression of the disabled New York Times reporter Serge Kovaleski, it’s doubtful his reputation would have far to fall, but here goes. In other news, you can say what you like about Fred West but don’t criticise his patio-laying skills, which were exemplary.
There is now a terrible risk that, should Trump win the case, the BBC’s assets will be forfeited to him. This means he may own the Doctor Who franchise, and thus the Tardis technology itself, allowing Trump to turn back time in Britain on behalf of Nigel Farage, and return us to a homogenous warm-beer world of whiteness where you can hiss gas noises at Jews and say it was harmless banter if it even happened, which Richard Tice says it didn’t anyway, and he should know, as he keeps a close watch on British affairs from a sunbed in Dubai.
It doesn’t matter how much the improbable legal action costs Trump, whose pockets are bottomless, especially since he worked out how to monetise almost every aspect of the presidency. You can even buy a Donald Trump cologne for men called Fight Fight Fight, after the phrase the president cried out after surviving the near-fatal attack on his right ear. I’m bringing out a Donald Trump scent for the ladies. It’s called Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight Off Donald Trump’s Unwanted Sexual Advances.
Sniff the Trump scent hard enough and it may even erase the memory of the president’s penis, which, according to the adult film actor Stormy Daniels, looks like “the mushroom character in Mario Kart”, and is rumoured to have been the inspiration for the Can song Mushroom, after the group’s vocalist, Damo Suzuki, shared a urinal trough with the 25-year-old Trump in a Manhattan nightclub in 1971.
Trump’s legal action against the BBC is worth it whatever it costs, because it allows him to spend however long the case drags on for repeating claims about the unreliability of journalists, specifically the BBC. This gradual process of erosion of public trust in news providers will benefit Trump enormously should, for example, anyone ever write scathingly about his monetisation of the presidency. Cheap at half the price!
Is it possible that the death of accurate news reporting is just a side-effect of the Jeffrey Epstein case, and of dark forces trying to make sure whatever happened on Paedophile Island stays on Paedophile Island? And who decided to name it that anyway? It’s like Tracey Island but instead of being full of futuristic space-copter Thunderbirds saving lives, there’s just loads of middle-aged billionaires in toupees and Speedos leering at things.
Trump’s instinctive attempts to create smokescreens for his corruption don’t even have to make any sense. The son of film-maker Rob Reiner and his wife Michelle was charged with their murder last Sunday. Less than 24 hours later Trump took to social media to say that Reiner died “due to the anger he caused others through his massive, unyielding, and incurable affliction with a mind-crippling disease known as TRUMP DERANGEMENT SYNDROME” (capitals the president’s own) as if some vengeful Maga-supporting deity had used the Reiners’ killer as his own instrument of justice. Did Charlie Kirk, a kind of saint who only wanted to spread love and kindness to all humanity, take a bullet in the face for this? And yet Keir Starmer still seems to think he can do business with this dead-eyed great white shark of a man. He’s going to need a bigger boat.
Starmer is sleepwalking into liberal democracy’s death spiral like Billy Blackberry from the Munch Bunch happily lowering himself into a smoothie maker
Predictably, the reliably unreliable Trump has already pulled the plug on the pathetically optimistic Starmer’s elephant-trumpeted $40bn Tech Prosperity Deal, as part of his attempts to ensure access to the soggy brains of ChatGPT-ravaged Europeans for his acquiescent social media propaganda platforms, all those royal breakfasts wasted. What lemming-like impulse compelled the Labour government to agree to making Great Britain an enormous energy-draining battery to power the servers that spread unregulated lies about Europe anyway, whose liberal democracy Trump openly declared this month that he intends to destroy? Here’s $40bn, Mr Starmer. Now open the oven and stick your head in.
Trump’s high-profile attempt to discredit British news providers goes hand in hand with the ongoing churn of social media accounts, many of which are just now unstaffed AI bots running helpfully from Russian addresses, mangling out unsubstantiated far-right propaganda designed to destabilise European democracies on now-unregulated American platforms. I’ve told the following story so many times even I am sick of it, and I love mind-numbing repetition: a racist auntie shared with me some Facebook flotsam in the form of an essay by an academic, explaining why Muslims are subhuman. I pointed out to her that neither the academic, nor the academic institution he belonged to, actually existed. “Yes,” she said, “but I still think the article makes a lot of good points.”
This abject stupidity, combined with hi-tech nuclear-powered propaganda, is what democracy is up against. And Starmer is sleepwalking into European liberal democracy’s online accelerated death spiral, like Billy Blackberry ™ ® from the Munch Bunch ™ ® happily lowering himself into a smoothie maker and thinking it’s a tiny foam-filled jacuzzi specially designed for anthropomorphised fruit-men.
Logically, Downing Street should turn itself into a massive content factory, flooding the internet with enough true stories about whatever positive news stories it can find, presented with enough wit and clarity to make them massively shareable, to counteract Musk and Putin’s propaganda. But the problem is Downing Street’s idea of working the internet is a TikTok clip of Keir Starmer standing near a tree. We’re doomed.
Stewart Lee vs The Man-Wulf tours everywhere in the UK and Ireland until the end of next year, with a further 96 dates including two weeks at London’s Alexandra Palace in February.
Stewart hosts three nights celebrating the publication of Damon Krukowski’s poignant consideration of the material aspect of sound, Why Sound Matters, at London’s Cafe Oto on 3-5 January , with guests including Damon & Naomi, Richard Youngs, Gina Birch and Laetitia Sadier.
He is also interviewing Sleaford Mods about their new album, The Demise of Planet X, at Rough Trade shops in Nottingham and London on 13 and 20 January. Nerve members will have access to a film of the Nottingham talk following the event.